Chopin - Waltz No. 3 in A minor Op. 34 No. 2

Beethoven - Piano Sonata No. 21 in C major Op. 53 "Waldstein" (Can't describe how beautiful this song is to me)

Liszt - Mephisto Waltz (Where do I even start? This song has a special place within me)

(Yes, it actually took me a while to write the whole post.)

There are times when I feel like I'm not living at all. I just do things because I have to, and I don't even feel anything. It's like playing a game you know all too well that you don't even try your best at it anymore. You lost all the excitement that you initially felt.

But at times like this, I feel so alive. I'm not sure why this sort of feeling comes out of the blue for some period and leaves as if it never existed. It feels like suddenly realizing that I don't just exist, but I'm actually living a certain life and that I'm responsible for anything that might happen to myself in the future. And I feel like I'm failing.

I've been cocooned in my comfort zone for so long that I think I'm gonna fail so hard when I finally dive into the real world where I have to try my best to proof my existence. It's true, I feel like I'm always in this spot where everything goes my way. I don't really have to study that hard to get high scores, but as the result, I don't stand out. I'm just good, but I'm not the best. At least that's what I think.

I feel like it's time to change that. Now that I have a role model that I look up to, I feel ashamed. If he could work hard to achieve his dream, why can't I? If he could be the best among the best, why can't I? Shouldn't I be working as hard as he is? I suddenly feel so little compared to what he is. I feel like I won't ever deserve him.

But looking at him, the feelings I almost forgot wash over me and I just want to work as hard as possible. The thing is, I want to deserve him. I want to be someone who's just as great as him. I want him to be proud of me.

I wonder if I'll ever meet him? He's the person who managed to change me without him even knowing it, after all. I owe him at least a thank you. 

Oh, by the way, I found another quote I like. This one came from a Japanese drama, Koinaka.